Yukon Gold

I am very sorry to tell you this but i'm sure you have noticed that indeed the carrot meistro has been unable to officiate his duties of updating his web propaganda. Now I myself am quite unexperienced with such propaganda of this sort but i took it upon myself to reassure you that captain carrot is still alive. Now im sure you are all doubling over with worry at the thought of anything happening to your dear captain carrot. I do not know if our dear captain will ever be the same again. It seems the pungent potato poo-heads have decided to take matters into their own hands. Last week they came to were captain carrot lives (location undisclosed) and spread salad dressing on his front step! Captain carrot phoned me up and said "Is this some sort of dipping sauce joke!?" I wondered what he was talking about and he told me about the salad dressing, of course it was not I. I would never dream of doing such an evil thing. My wits danced around my head with uninterrupted intensity, and then without a second glance I tossed on my shoes and cantered off in the morning air.

"See! Look what the fiends did!" I glared my eyes wide as i waited for my pupils to adjust to the straining light of the wintery sun. There before me was a vast, viscous mess of thick ranch dressing that had been splattered all over the front stoop of our Intrepid Captain's spacious 3-bedroom bungalow with vaulted master bedroom, ensuit, jacuzzi, hot tub, wireless internet hub, and 34" convection oven built right into the kitchen! Such was my surprise that I grunted in astonishment.

"What could this be, Captain? Some kind of salad spectacle? Some defunct dressing debacle?!" The Captain, obviously traumatized by this dastartdly deed, was at a loss for words, but he pointed at the center of the salad mess.

"Look"

I looked.

There, surrounded in mushy footprints and specles of dirt and gold nuggets, were spelled out in the dressing 4 distinct words: "We Know Where You Live"

"No, thats 5 words. Fix that. And by the way, like Duh, they already just pranked my house, of course they know where I live! These guys must be pros, to leave a message so vague!" digressed the captain.

"But Wait!" I deliberated! "there is more written in the salad..dressing!"

Scrawled in the speckles of dirt that had fallen from the bodies of whoever had done this deed, were written the following messages: "You had better know whats best for you, and stop fighting the carrot rebellion. If you know whats good for your, you will give up the gold, and be consoled with the consolation prize. You have a lot to loose in this 'venture' of yours. Don't drop the ball."

"Hmm, sounds like they mean business" mused the Captain as he fuzzled his muzzle. "I'd better get to the bottem of this! But just who are we dealing with?! Thats the real question, I say."

"maybe it was a leaf sect, sir?" I suggested. "Some of those fiends can be quite the dirty types..roaming Romaines, Frigid Icebergs, i wouldn't put it past them. And who else would have such an impressive selection of salad dressing? This is gourme-"

"NO! Wait. something about first place? Gold, they say..first place...Gold. Hmm...gold....Gold nuggets...nuggets. Kinda reminds me of a gold rush...like the one in California, or the one in....the Yukon!!! Dirt Clods. Gold..Yukon Gold! of course! Those dirty dirty scoundrals. I should have known they would be behind this act of terrorism. I know exactly what to do!!!! I hope you have your pocket peeler, because we will definitely need it! Lets Ship out!"